Why is Maine Purple?

This week my country saw another election. I had hoped that post election our country would settle down and we could finally move on with our lives...I was wrong. In our house we colored in a map of the United States according to how they voted with the electoral college. Now, my son is 4 so we didn't discuss what the electoral college was, we just colored. We did it together, this state red, this state blue, this state red, this state blue etc. Until we got to our last state, Maine. I looked at the electoral college votes and the state and then the crayons in front of me...I needed another color. I needed purple. So I grabbed the purple and we colored Maine purple. 

"Why is this one purple?"

"Let me show you something." I scribbled on white paper with a red crayon, then a blue crayon slightly overlapping. "Do you see the red?"

"Yes. And the blue."

"Good. Do you see what happened where I used both colors?"

"It's pink! I mean purple."

"That's correct! The two colors come together and make purple."

"I like purple. Why are these other one blue and red and not purple?"

Deep breath, he's 4...how do I tell me son about our broken system and our broken people...deep breath...

"You see this box of colors here?"

"Yes. Can I use the green crayon?"

"I wish we could, but the green crayon didn't win any states."

"Why not?"

"Because people forgot that the green crayon was an option. They think that the crayon box is filled with only blue and red crayons."

"But this one is purple! How did that happen!?" 

(because Maine has their shit together kid...not what I said, but I certainly thought it).

"Because in Maine they split their votes between red and blue and that brought them together to make purple."

"But...why didn't the others?"

"I have no good answer for you baby. The truth is that some people put a higher premium on their own needs than the needs of others and in doing so they belittle and shame others. They demand tolerance while being tyrants. You don't understand, do you?"

**BLANK STARE**

"Okay, if I make you give your race car to someone who didn't make one of their own, how would you feel?"

"That's not fair! It's mine, I made it with daddy!"

"That's right. It's not fair. What if I told you that you have to give that race car to someone else and you aren't allowed to be upset by that or I'm going to treat you badly?"

"That's not fair, that's not nice. They can make their own!" 

"Yes, they can. What if they don't have the money to buy the wood and wheels for their car?"

"We can help them!"

"Yes, we can. We absolutely can help them."

"How do we get money?"

"Daddy and mommy work and get money."

"Yes. Someday you will work and get your own money. But what if you cannot work enough to get enough money?"

"You and daddy will help me...right mommy?"

"Right. We will help you. But not everyone has a mommy and daddy who can help. Who should help them?"

"We can. Or maybe people who have extra money?"

"Yes. Exactly. Should we make people help other people?"

"Umm...maybe if they want to."

"If they want to is right. When do you want to share your toys with your sister?"

"When I'm done. But not when I'm still playing with them."

"Exactly. Before this gets too complicated...You don't want to share your race car that you built with daddy, but you want to help other people to get the pieces necessary to make their own; and if they need the money for that you think people should be free to do so without being told they have to, because they might still have things to do with their money...correct?"

"Yes, and we can buy them paint so that they can paint their cars too."

"Z, you just made purple. You took two different ideas and you mixed them together to make something better: purple."

"But I like green best."

"We'll talk about green next election. For this election lets just focus on red, blue, and purple. People in the red camp don't like being told that they have to share; meanwhile, people in the blue camp don't like the idea that people who have resources (like money) don't share. People in the blue camp want everyone to have the same thing, and people in the red camp want everyone to have the same opportunities. You took those two colors and made purple when you said that what's yours is yours, but you don't mind helping someone else make their own."

"That's purple. What are green people?"

"So there is red for republicans, blue for democrats, purple for Maine, green for people who support the environment, and then white for libertarians. There are even more colors than that, but these are the ones that often get represented during the election process." 

"Nobody likes green and white?"

"They do. But green and white didn't win anywhere."

"What are you and daddy?"

"We're...I can't speak for daddy really. But I'm like the rainbow. I think that all the colors can come together and make something even more beautiful."

"But you voted for what color?"

"For president I voted white. There are other positions in government that I voted blue and some red and some green. Because that's what I believe will make the prettiest and best United States."

"Can we say the pledge now? I'm done coloring."

"Yes sweety, go for it."

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the republiK, for which it stamps, one nation, under God, indivisible with liverty and justice and for all."

To my darling daughter,

    I pray on this day and every day of your life that you know that you are more than the sum of your anatomy. People have said some truly hateful things to mommy because she chose not to vote for the female presidential candidate. We live in a country and society that demands I vote for the woman because of my anatomy. But I refuse to be reduced to my vagina. I am more than that, and so are you. I care about more than abortion, or free health care access, or equal access to jobs based on anatomy. Your daddy does too. You can do whatever you want in this life. You can be the president some day if you want. You can be a stay at home mom some day if you want. I will support you and fight for your right to do that. I will support you if you decide that you will join the military and do something incredibly dangerous in special forces. I will need a lot of Jesus for that, but I will do it because you can do whatever you want. It doesn't matter what your anatomy is or it's size. It matters what your heart says, the size of your passion and the size of your will to fight for it. You can do so gracefully, without losing your dignity. I am not the best example of this, but I am a great example of how to pick yourself up and try again. So I will help you with that if you need it. 

Your daddy is a member of the best branch of our armed forces for women to really shine in the reality of what I'm saying to you. The Coast Guard has never had "gender norming" rules or fitness standards for their rates/jobs. The job is the same no matter who does it. In the after math of hurricane Katrina there were men and women aviation survival technicians who pulled people from the destruction. Long before the Navy allowed women afloat the respect of holding command, the Coast Guard did it. The Coast Guard was the first branch to accept women into their academy. Women of the Coast Guard didn't whine and demand it be given to them. They fought with and pushed themselves to not only meet but exceed the standards set before them. That is my prayer for you. You are fierce. We are going to butt heads a lot. But nobody will ever have your back like me. Well...I suppose some day you will marry and I will take a back seat to that person, but until then, I am your champion. I am fighting for you, with every vote, to have a world where you are valued for your individual ability to contribute to society and to the betterment of mankind. You are supported by daddy and I, but do not mistake support for acceptance of mediocre. You will have dreams, they will be big, and we will encourage you to fight for them. We will call you out if you throw in the towel. If your dreams change, we will be right there to support the new dream. But we will not support you giving up. You and your brother are so much more than the labels that society will try to put on you. Take them off, stick them in the garbage where they belong. There is only 1 label that you need to wear proudly and remember every day of your life: loved. I hope that by the time you can read and understand this letter that our country is purple, or  rainbow. I hope that you will not have to experience the polarizing effect that the two party system has on our countrymen. 

I love you,

Mom.

 **I did not host my weekly "whine and wine Friday" this week because of the election. I am done with the media and the fighting. I believe in a better world for my children and that is what I am teaching them: how to be the better world. Go be shiny!

Firsts

When you are a parent you look forward to your child's "firsts". First word, first step, first non tar poop (seriously), first tooth (even the breastfeeding moms look forward to this one), first bite of real food etc. My son just had a pretty big first, and I almost ignored it. Let's be real, I didn't ignore it. But I sure as hell didn't cherish it. I didn't look at my son with pride, amazement and wonder (like I should have). I high fived him, used my fake super excited voice, gave him hugs, and told him he was awesome. My son had read his first word, on his own, sounded it out and everything. This is a big deal. He didn't say the word from memory (like kids do with sight words); no, he learned the sounds of those letters and how they sound together, then sounded them out one at a time to READ that word. And I? I made a big deal about it without actually feeling the moment. Why? Why didn't I savor that precious moment? Because I am stressed. And if we are honest, as parents it happens. We get so stressed and focused on the wrong thing (or the right thing at the wrong time) that we sometimes miss the real genuine moments we are supposed to savor.

What could possibly have me that stressed? What I was doing, and the preparation to take that task on full time in just about 2 months. You see, we are moving. The United States military is sending us to Hawaii. This is exciting and stressful. The military has all sorts of regulations and hoops to jump through when moving OCONUS (outside the continental United States). After that, I had to start researching schools to send our kid(s). In my research I discovered that Hawaii has an early birth date cut off line. The line that separates whether a child is a first grader or kindergartener. It's July 31st. My August baby would end up behind in school because in this state the cut off line is so early (seriously, that's super early). After looking into all of our options (very expensive options) I broke down to my husband about the unfair position this puts our son. My son loves to go to preschool. He never wants to leave. He loves it, he loves learning, he loves being active, this is the time to cultivate that and keep challenging him. My husband asked me how can we make sure that he keeps getting challenged while staying in budget for school. The answer is that, even if money were no object, you can't. He would end up with 2 more years of preschool instead of 1, and he is already doing most of what the Hawaiian DOE sets as the standard for entry to kindergarten. After a few moments I said the unthinkable, "I will have to homeschool him." This unthinkable statement is because I had been getting ready to go back to work. I was excited to finally get back to work and use my skills, practice my craft, get on with that part of my life. No. Instead, I will be educating my son while picking up work here and there as I can make it work.  I was looking forward to the alone time. No alone time for me now. I don't know how long I've been actively pursuing homeschool now, but it's been at least 3 weeks. And in those 3 weeks I have had...at least as many break downs. I decided to start somewhere small and "simple" (veteran educators are all laughing at me now): reading. I could start, now, to teach my son to read and keep researching and figuring out this homeschool thing.

I failed. I did not start out teaching my son very well. I got a book, rave reviews from everyone (online, people I know, even teachers), and started. But I misunderstood something crucial and I put too much pressure on my son and not enough understanding. As a result he was not excited to learn to read at first. It took me almost a week to figure it out and get us on the right path. The day he read his first word I was filled with self doubt and worry about the hell we are about to embark on. Realizing that I missed the moment I decided to take a step back. I was making this whole thing too complicated. I had a good solid plan: teach through kindergarten and when finished just move onto 1st grade-no timelines, just keep going forward and when we get back to the mainland in a few years we will decide about placing him in school (and addressing grade placement) or continuing to homeschool. But my good plan got crazy when trying to pick curriculum and teaching aids/resources. I took about 5 steps back and wrote down some subjects: Language Arts, Math, Science, History, PE/Nutrition/Nature, Art/Music and then I decided to fill in the blank spaces beneath those subjects. Language Arts: Reading-Teach Your Child To Read in 100 Easy Lessons, Writing-. That's as far as I had gotten. I did a lot more reading, and thinking about how I wanted my son to learn and how he is as a person. I found a writing program that is good for kinesthetic learners and a math program too. I also found a math program that has great reviews for being applicable to everyday life. Okay, good going. Language Arts and Math are done. Z-Man gets a Koala Crate each month, that comes with 3 different STEM projects to build. So I wrote that under science along with The Magic School Bus (one of his favorite shows). PE/Nutrition/Nature doesn't really require anything beyond coloring a paper plate and helping mom meal prep (maybe even grocery shop). We are an active family and we love to be in nature. So this doesn't require us to do anything different at this age. History? Coloring books about the states and the state birds/flowers should be sufficient and fun. Maybe we'll find a puzzle map, or something like that. Easy, done. Art/Music...we are a house about playing music. Guitar, mountain dulcimer, ocarina, piano, ukele, clarinet-we love our musical instruments. So...how does one teach music to a 4/5 year old? I don't really know. I'm still working on this. For art though, color combinations and continuing to show my son how to take pictures (yes, my preschooler is all about taking photography). I decided to make this less traditional and more us because I was already losing sight of the goal.

I don't want to miss his firsts again. I also want to make sure he's prepared for school (should he go in the next 4-5 years). This is going to be a crazy journey. And I'm going to need to force myself to really take care of myself. I need to be more than a mombie; I need to really savor the firsts and encourage the progress-in the most authentic way possible.