Love is like a hurricane..

I might get preachy here. I ask for your indulgence now.

Those of you who know me (like you've stood opposite me sort of know me; not just read this blog), and call me friend know a few things about me. Some of those things:

•I'm sassy. Too much sass at times. My husband really should not have joined the military with a wife this sassy.

•I'm outspoken. Another reason a wife like me is a disadvantage in the military.

•I swear.

•I believe that Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior. He is the Messiah...and I swear.

•I believe in science

•I'm sarcastic

•I'm empathetic

•I love my husband beyond reason and justification

•I LOVE margaritas

Let's leave the list there for now. That's really all we need for the purposes of this entry.

Marriage fucking sucks

Dude, I love the man. My love for him aside I could read you a laundry list of the shit he has done to piss me off, hurt me, damage our relationship, our financial stability, our families...the list could go on for awhile. The list that I could rattle off right now, and any second of any day (because I'm a freaking elephant and am cursed with the inability to forget), includes things that many many people consider deal breakers. My Bible would let me walk away guilt free. You know what wouldn't let me walk away? LOVE.

The list doesn't matter. And some of you have let me sob tears and snot into your shoulders at some really low points. So hear me when I say that the list truly doesn't matter.

What matters?
Humility.
Love.
Grace.
Compassion.
Faith.

People like to say that their marriage is the most important thing. That their kids come second to their marriage. I don't believe in this. Some say that their kids come before their marriage, that their children will always be more important. With the exception of abuse, I don't believe in this. I say that the family matters most. Anyone who has kids knows that what I am about to say is truth. If you and your spouse are fighting, your kids behavior will suffer. If you and your spouse aren't on the same page, your kids will suffer. If you and your spouse aren't having enough sex, your kids will suffer. (Do it for the kids...I'm going to hell). You can't really place kids over marriage or marriage over kids. It doesn't work like that. How does it work? It's a living breathing monster that evolves everyday. Some days there is better clarity, and you can see your own faults better than the days before. Some days it's foggier than Fresno, Ca and you can't see past the next 10 minutes. You hate your spouse, the kids are screaming, you can't hear yourself think, and you just realized that you went out in public with a leaky boob. Some days, the world is perfect and you know with absolute certainty that everything is as it should.

How Am I Still Married?

It's simple. My husband is amazing at forgiving me and I am amazing at loving him. It's a weird thing. Forgiveness is the only way that a marriage makes it in this world. And, if you believe in Jesus, we have the most perfect model of forgiveness. No matter what you've done, Jesus still loves you, still died for you, still got your back man. Who in your life can you say that about? I doubt many marriages can say that about themselves. I don't know that mine can.

There's a second part to this, and it's maybe even more important than the first part. We struggle everyday to learn the others strength. I struggle to learn to be more forgiving...or to at least get there quicker. A cousin of mine once laughed about me being unforgiving. He laughed because he knows that sooner or later (usually later) I will forgive - I'm not an unforgiving person. But my husband is the forgiving guru that I study under. And he struggles everyday to love me in the most awesome way. Believe me, it's not easy to love someone so completely and show them that love in a way that is meaningful to them.

"She's worth more than she's ever dreamed of."

Forgiveness is easy to give in the face of amazing love. My husband is naturally a very forgiving person. He doesn't hold a grudge too often. But think about this: even he can grow angry and bitter. I've seen it. I've seen my husband hurl his phone across a room and shatter it into pieces after an angry call with his mom. A situation so deadlocked in anger and bitterness, my husband lost his Dudeness. How do you forgive? How do we make it easier to be forgiven? Not in a Savior/mortal relationship but in a marriage between 2 measly humans. We love amazingly. We love with our whole hearts. We love from every corner of our being. We push ourselves out of our comfort for them. We learn them. We learn their quirks, facial expressions, body language, sighs, how they hold a pen. We become students of who they are. Each day is another page in the textbook of Them that we study; and each day is the practical application of what we've learned.

When you love like that, it's easier to forgive you when you misstep. When you falter. When you sin against your marriage. And by easy, I mean not as fucking hard. If you were loved like that, couldn't you forgive better. Wouldn't your heart heal quicker? The wounds wouldn't fester and rot causing the need for amputation. They would heal. Some wounds take longer than others; and we're not perfect so our forgiveness isn't either. But you would be more willing to commit to the forgiveness and relationship if you were loved by an all encompassing love.

David Crowder sings this song, and the most telling line about love, and forgiveness in the face of amazing love, is this:

I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way; how He loves us.

If your spouse loved you with an amazing love would you really have time to dwell on the bad stuff? If you loved your spouse like this, would they have time to dwell on the bad stuff?

My husband is worth more to me than he has ever dreamed. I love him deeper than he will ever fully comprehend. We get in fights and we have to work at this shit every fucking day. He pisses me off, I piss him off, we cry...it's marriage and it's fucking hard. But that's what makes it great. We work because he is amazing at forgiving me and I am amazing at loving him. And my love for him, it's worse than Jewish guilt, Catholic guilt, and Irish guilt combined. (Is that a thing?) I will keep making it easier to forgive me. Because Lord knows, we need something to be easier.