I just cannot even begin with this. Today I had a revelation in parenting. It came after a particularly unsettling moment with my son. You see, my toddler is a tyrannical three year old. Threenager is a ridiculous title for this age. Teenagers have the words to express themselves, three year old do not and that is why their behavior is so...tyrannical. Terroristic even. Some days I have PTSD flashbacks from parenting a toddler.
Today though, my toddler was walking about telling anyone who would listen that dinosaurs are beautiful. I have heard this a google times. I was not really listening. We were walking the dog so I was more worried about my son running off into the street than dinosaurs. And then it happened. My son saw an older lady (maybe 60s) and he beamed so bright and wide that I was smiling.
"DINOSAURS BE BEAUTIFUL!!"
"Dinosaurs are not beautiful young man. They are scary. You should teach your son the difference."
My son's face fell. He went from irrationally happy about his dinosaurs to furious in the those short seconds that this stranger spoke to us. His soul crushed. He raised his fist with his response and with anger in his voice,
"THEY NOT BE SCARY!!"
I was so shocked the woman walked away before I could process what happened. My son now angry at the world would not tolerate our walk any longer. So I knelt down and I asked to see his dinosaur. I told him how much I liked his dinosaur's stripes, and claws, and teeth etc. I told him that his dinosaur was beautiful. Then, I channeled one of our personal heros,
"She's an adult. Most adults forget they were children and all adults forget, for a time at least, what is really important."
"Impotent?"
"Like how beautiful dinosaurs are."
He beamed again and we finished our walk. The rest of our walk I thought about that moment. I thought about his fallen face. I thought about what I will say if he ever comes to me with questions about how to handle things like his with his own kids someday. Or worse yet, would he agree with that woman? I came to a simple solution. It starts today. Moments like this, moments of parenting struggle and strife amd triumph, I will write them down. I will write him letters about things as they happen. I started a cover letter for him of course.
"My Little Prince,
Your father has been calling you that since day one. It helps to remind him that you will see things with fresh eyes and eyes of wonder. It helps him to remember that he needs to tread lightly with you. By the time you read this letter, and those accompanying it, you will be an adult and I will hopefully be a grandmother. On either your 30th birthday or the baby shower for your first child I will give you these. Letters on how your father and I have handled various parenting decisions and messes. People always want to give advice years down the road. But I will not likely remember as truly then as I do now. So I am writing them now, when the memory is fresh. You can read them at your leisure. Maybe these will be bound in a book for you. On weather proof paper, because trust me, life requires it. After you have read them you may wish to tell me how I did it all wrong. And I will accept your criticisms, on one condition; you must be a parent first. You must have joined this tribe of sleep deprived people first.
I love you beyond belief.
Mom
•xo• "
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